I have such a challenge going on in my work life right now- I am working with someone who is so negative, manipulative, phony and dishonest that I am beside myself coping with this personality – she is an accomplished liar and thrives on drama, backstabbing and other very disturbing behaviour. I am trying to keep this person out of my head but it’s a struggle. Any advice besides a new job or earplugs?
Better Together
toxic coworker
Updated on June 16, 2016 in
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I’ve worked with many negative people and liars before at my previous job. What worked for me was tuning them out, make sure to stay away from them and not speak to them. The thing with negative people is that they are toxic! I would do some breathing exercises to cope with all the negativity. Hope that helps.
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Folks who are negative outwardly are usually at least twice as negative to themselves inwardly, so I would recommend that you try finding something (anything!) you can compliment her on, and tell her! I know it’s hard to do, especially with someone who feels so “toxic”, as you say, to be around, but this is an amazing exercise when you use it, both for her and for you! Often you can soften someone (even someone with the sharpest edges) by caring for them in some small way.
That being said, if she is doing real harm to you at work, be very honest about your boundaries, and continue to give her positive feedback along with constructive criticism when necessary. It is amazing how this works! I have used it in many situations, and not only can it improve a difficult situation, but it also offers you the opportunity to see someone in a new light once they begin to soften.
thank you for your input -I try not to engage as much as possible and try to keep myself calm. Maybe I should smudge the office:) I do realize that someone this negative must be incredibly unhappy or insecure and I try to have empathy, however when she badmouths people all day long its hard! Mother Teresa I’m not.
I really like the relaxation room under games. It can get rid of my stress. You can set the time to the amount you have like 2 to 5 minutes
Deep breathing, with a deep and gentle inbreath through the nose, and a long and slow outbreath through the mouth, will lower the stress hormone cortisol level in about 2 minutes. Perhaps deep breathing can become a healthy practice as you move through your day at work. I wish you well.
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I too have worked with some very toxic, negative people. These people in turn can ‘feel’ your thoughts about them – I’m not sure how (body language, ‘vibrations’ etc.?) I work in a profession requiring many hours confined in a small compartment with one other person. About 3 or 4 years ago I tried an experiment: I forced myself to think positive thoughts about the person. I would consciously, and silently of course, run through a list of this toxic person’s good qualities. I’m always amazed at the results. Not sure how it works. What I do know is that it has made potentially awful days turn into really good days.
DeWalt I will try this- I usually just try to walk away or avoid engaging but hard to do when there are days with just the two of us working together alone. I have also tried empathy because she must be a miserable person to attack others the way sihe does. I will channel positive thoughts:)
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I love this post. There is a meditation I write about called Loving Kindness. It is worth checking out. I will add it to the site soon.
Also looking forward to the Loving Kindness meditation – I do try to think of everyone in a compassionate way – even this extremely difficult person.
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