I have been very much a recluse for several years and off and on throughout my life.
I have a lot of things that have to be done around my property that I pretty much have to do alone, due to not being able to let people in very well, not having money to hire the work out, and not having a lot of capable people to help anyways.
I am replacing the roof on my shed. As usual, the task turned out to be bigger than expected because of the degree of rot in the wood, even parts of the frame. So I will need to use makeshift roofing jacks and the rolloff container gets picked up Monday, so I am runnign out of time.
I have a couple days of good weather and not having to work, but I got a CSA box and last time I wasted the whole thing because I wasn’t used to cooking and did not get the food prepared or preserved, so it spoiled. I have been cooking all day and still have a bit more to do, and I need to be fixing the shed roof.
I have a 75 foot high ash tree that is dead and starting to lean and needs to be cut down asap, stuff dropping from it has damaged my pickup truck and is part of why there is so much rot in the shed roof. I will have to rent something to do that and that is going to take credit card debt to get brought down, though much less if I do it myself. I cannot afford to have it done, period.
I have to finish fixing the attic window, I need to seal the foundation since the porch has been taken off. I am thankful tot the Lord I am somewhat physically capable of doing such things and am a big enough tomboy to partly enjoy it, but most of it really needs to be done yesterday, there is so much of it, and all of it is a slow process particularly if done by oneself. I have to put siding on the back of the house and install soffits all over the house, it is currently without soffits and no insulation or covering of any kind on part of the back wall. Those are going to be big jobs too, and I have to finish replacing the insulation in the attic. I have to fix a rust hole in the bottom of the car, tune up the truck, and fix some body issues on the truck too, to get it ready for sale so I can get the tree mess resolved without too much interest incurred. I’m not renting anything until the truck is done, that way I can get rid of it as soon as no longer need it, and pay things down or off.
I do not have a lawnmower anymore, and my yard is growing up and weeds are getting through the mulch layer and the roofing underlayment that was keeping them at bay in my backyard. I will have to use the rest of the herbicide I bought, (I hate that stuff, I am an environmentalist but I can’t keep up right now, so there is no other choice 🙁 )My house is an absolute mess inside and has roaches and ants and needs serious deep cleaning and organizing and I JUST CAN’T DO IT ALL MYSELF! But I have to. The stress is exhausting and thus slows me down. Depression and anxiety fed into the development of this situation, as well as whoever put the 2nd addition on the back of the house really made of it, I had to redo a lot of that area to stop the roof from leaking once and for all, but I went into debt dealing with that and the job was too big to afford having done even with the loan I got. So I have bills and a paycut in this new job (but more time, for right now, thankfully) and ALL this crap to do. Alone.
And it’s lonely, and embarrassing because of how bad the property looks and my vehicles look and my truck has to be parked in the backyard right now where the tree is falling apart…. And It causes me to feel ashamed. Makes me feel even less sociable than I normally do.
I made a list of the most important things and set it up like steps, but the stress exhausts me and slows me down. so today I have been cooking and now writing it out, and I’m going to take a break and hope I have energy to deal with the shed after a little while. Time is running out to get that old roof into the rolloff container.
I can’t get the remainders of the porch to come apart so they aren’t going this time, and I have thought of an alternative to how to dispose of the old insulation in the attic, so that took some stuff of fmy immediate Spring workload. Still, it’s a lot. It’s too much, basically, but nevertheless, it IS and so I have to deal with it. I don’t like loss of control feelings either, but that’s how I feel about it. I could probably enjoy it if it didn’t all need to be done yesterday and didn’t look so horrible and make the house look horrible and shameful.
I am glad I have enough physical health that I can get strong enough to do this stuff and am strong enough to very slowly do most of it as it is, but sometimes that doesn’t help enough and it feels like it will never get better, because there is so so so much to do and as it waits to get done, more damage can develop and make even more big chores….. that’s happened already, I have paint peeling all over my interior from that roof disaster last year, that the soffits and siding stuff is leftover projects from…..
I hate this.
So there it is. Does anyone else get overwhelmed? How do you deal with it? I’m done all I can think of to cut down the stress in list-making, order of operations planning, throwing as much off the ASAP list as possible, and taking yesterday afternoon off. I need more ideas if anyone has any.
