Better Together

Energy / Motivation

Updated on January 15, 2017 in Focus & Energy
7 on December 13, 2016

I get stuck in patterns of staying up late on my phone. If I set a time limit for the phone and go over that, I feel even more defeated, then stay on it even longer bc I know I’ve already lost.
I get up around 1130/noon and work at 2pm. I’m not a morning person, but I end up so tired or lazy after my part time job that I know I should take advantage of the sunlight and get up earlier to do smtg in mornings.
What’s some advice for internet love and lack of self motivation or will power?
I’m 28 and live at home. Having my parents worrying about me like this doesn’t help.. we’ve all been discussing how maybe I’m too comfortable. They don’t make me pay rent and I have savings that I lean fairly often which is why I haven’t found it urgent to find a full time job.

Thank y’all in advance

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0 on December 13, 2016

So glad you are reaching out to try to figure out how to shift things for yourself and your life! Often when we lean too heavily on an activity (internet, eating, drinking, shopping, etc.) it is because there is an underlying need we have that is not being met in a healthier way. I encourage you to take inventory of your life in the major categories suggested in the One Page Miracle (under Focus My Brain tab). Is there some piece that feels significantly lacking? Address the real need (social, creative, productive, health, etc.), and our tendency to overuse one particular activity will naturally diminish. Hope that helps!

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0 on December 24, 2016

Thank you Zoe.
I am missing
self motivation
productivity in career
spirituality , I can’t really figure out what that is and what it means in my life
More background on me:
I used to fill my early 20s with very exciting trips music shows and partying with mind altering alcohol or drugs , curiosity, boredom, fun until it all became very unfun. And then I was unfunctional. In fact I’ve been unfunctional in intention for a long time. Because my goals were to fit in (like go to college bc so many others do, and it’s easy enough bc my family gave me plenty of money, please my parents in high school… do their suggestions for academics, sports), not striving to work bc things were handed to me often… and then it got too depressing once I didn’t believe in myself and have a set path.
I think I’ve partly replaced my very exciting times with things on the internet… I’ve always been drawn to instant gratification… probably has to do with my upbringing. I was pretty spoiled growing up. Always had many activities on the books when younger, my parents wanted to give my sister and I all the opportunities they could. In high school, I was quiet, good in school, but still would choose to stay up late watching tv or reading magazines or grooming instead of choosing to let my body rest.
Now I can barely hold a part time afternoon job.

I’ve been trying 5htp for about a week.
Hoping that 5htp, mixed with this app can help me stay a bit more on track than I normally would with my progress!
It’s worked okay so far… haven’t exactly noticed. I still get mood swings, crying a lot.
I need to meditate regularly.
Ps I tried SAM-e a couple yrs back, but I didn’t notice a huge difference after a month or two, and it made me forget my dreams.
I was also prescribed Prozac and lexapro many years ago and took them with reluctance for a couple months each. I was not a fan bc I didn’t notice a big difference and bc I don’t believe they are very safe.
My family is so scared for me right now.
They see that I’m not applying myself that much.
I zone out by consuming myself in mindless internet… watching of hoop videos (hula Hooping is a passion of mine) or Facebook news scrolling or positive Instagram posts.
My boyfriend just recently said, he knows I want to change for the better, but I act like I don’t essentially.
He wants me to find ways to think for myself and improve myself. Not praise others egos online..

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1 on December 31, 2016

Sounds like you are very aware of some of the possible reasons for where you are now, but the question is “now what?” The 5HTP can be a good place to start to address some of the chemical/biological components to your lack of motivation, but it also sounds like you know part of what has brought you to this point is not having the experience of feeling you  are doing things of your own desire, and perhaps not feeling you have “earned” your way (as you said many things have generously been provided to you). Sometimes it can be helpful to remember what inspired you as a young child–what made you excited and feel good about yourself? Addressing both the chemical issues as well as the environmental ones is essential at shifting our motivations. Consider meeting with one of our brain health coaches to explore this further. -Coach Zoe

on January 9, 2017

Thank you, Zoe–
I’ll research the brain health coaches on here. I have considered a career coach, life coach, or talk therapy but am focusing on going regularly to an Alternative Health place for now.
Since my last post I did some research on biofeedback and found a place called Alternative Health Atlanta and had an evaluation. Their main goal is to help patients with chronic illnesses support their body with biofeedback, a diet regime (aiming for no sugar and no cows milk or cream) and supplements so that you’re body can heal itself!
My goal in working with them is to help ease my depression, low energy, memory problems and leaky gut through what I put in my body. I’m very hopeful, but it won’t be completely easy. It’s not an overnight fix of course. they say typically it takes a patient 3 months in their program to heal one year of a chronic illness. I have had depression off and on for 8-12 years.
They use reflexology to test what organs are not functioning properly and then back up the findings with various types of hair sample, saliva, and other tests. With the reflexology they also add supplements to your “energy field” to see how they respond to you and suggest supplements from there for at least a 6 week period.
I’m on a supplement regime with them for the next couple of months. I go in weekly for another 5 weeks to check my sensitivities and reflexology towards supplements.
Tomorrow I am bringing in the 5htp and other supplements I use (that I began without anyone Dr’s guidance) to test my body and see if they are really something I need to take 🙂
I will be focusing on my gut health first in the supplements they gave me, ie a digestive enzyme, a mood enhancer (w magnesium), a D3 pill, a drainage liquid, and 2 homeopathic remedies – one called drenamin and the other for a detox from food additives like aspartame and color dyes.
At the third week, i start a 3 week diet regime for a liver detox where I have 2 smoothies a day with other Whole foods, aiming for living foods as well.
I have already had one biofeedback session and I’m excited to see what else comes with that, as it apparently relaxes you and gives lots of information back to the monitor based on the frequencies- as an example the lady told me some frequencies showed that I have parasites (I’ve been reading more about how everyone does… nonetheless it is fascinating to me).
With regular monitoring using their facility and this app and the suggestions on this app, i believe that my body can be healthier. Im especially hopeful that if my gut is healthier, that my emotions will see an improvement too.
From this app, I am reminded that I need to get more active and meditative and remind myself of my goals- all suggestions I love, especially the goal writing bc I wouldn’t normally do that on my own.
Thank you again for your feedback ! (Sorry for another novel of a post)

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0 on January 10, 2017

Sounds like an integrative approach, and I love that the initial focus is on healing the gut, as we know the connection between gut health and brain health is intricately linked! I am very glad to hear you have found a path to support your health. Best to you!  -Zoe

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0 on January 15, 2017

Thank you Coach Zoe—-
I am already feeling a bit stabiler in mood ! (3 weeks into program for hormone balancing, supplements, nutrition changes)
Best example of change I’ve noticed, Normally if I talk to my boyfriend (dating 1.5 yrs) about something depressing or personal, I end up breaking down in tears. Even prior to that for the past several years I’ve been prone to crying on my own or in personal situations a lot.
The other night, my boyfriend told me maybe the most depressing things he’s ever said, but I didn’t cry until 30+ Minutes into the convo. I was able to be a better listener and support.

Which brings me to another topic/question..

If I am progressing with trying to get help for my depression, but my boyfriend is very reluctant to get help of any kind…
what are some good motivator tips I can use without upsetting or insulting him?! Besides just setting an example I’m trying to be patient.

Backstory- we are both late 20s. He has very little money (Living w a friend for very cheap), no car (atlanta isn’t easy to get around in without one) anger issues, some signs of bipolar, health issues, poor diet, and depression on and off for 15+ years. He is holding a job but doesn’t love it. He waivers between being nice and being mean to me and others in his life.

I’ve offered to pay for him to go to the alternative health place I’ve been going to. He said he will go but he doesn’t think it will help at all.. :/ He has also said earlier this week that he’s not sure if he’d care if he died right now. Then next day he’s not as dramatic and told me he would try for me/our relationship. I’m afraid he’s in a cyclic broken cycle where he can’t even get the energy to try to change.

He wishes he had the resources to go somewhere like a long vacation or move towns or go to a holistic rehab (he’s been once before a couple yrs ago thanks to his mom). he smokes weed and drinks pretty rarely. Sometimes rarely he partakes in party substances like coke and molly). Moreover, he has morphed from happy, patient, and funny with me to more often being sad or angry and short tempered. He knows he hasn’t always treated me well verbally and always apologizes after the fact and seems to feel guilty. He also has really been sad about Trump bc he is black and associated with Muslim community.

Thank you in advance

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0 on January 15, 2017

Wow. Sounds like he is going through a lot of things, and I applaud your effort in trying to get him some help. On top of any biological factors or drug use which may be influencing his mood, having systemic racism and Islamaphobia swimming around can have a profound impact on one’s sense of safety and peace on a very deep level. My heart truly goes out to him. For those in marginalized or targeted groups, being reminded regularly of allies and support is very important.

Feeling alone in general can exacerbate depression, but feeling additional isolation because of race, culture, religion is impactful in ways many of us will never understand. I wonder if getting involved with him in some sort of activity that makes him feel more empowered and connected would be helpful. Perhaps a social justice project/organization, or advocacy group. Connecting with people with whom we feel good around is of vital importance for our sense of place in the world and feeling of worth. Addressing our whole health over time (biological, social, psychological, spiritual) ultimately makes the most long term impact. Best to you and him.-Zoe

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