I am writing this a few days after I went to the emergency room with chest pains thinking I was having a heart attack. It was really frightening! What happened is, about 10-14 days ago I got the news that my Uncle was hit by a car while riding his bike, and he passed away a few days later.
I had an anxiety attack as I processed the reality of this tragedy and I was very overwhelmed. With the help of the good people at the hospital, I realize that my grief over the loss of my Uncle can be helped as I talk it out with a good therapist. It will be hard, because I don’t want to talk about it, or feel the pain, I just want it to “go away”. These things can’t be easily explained, and I am thankful that he is with God now. I don’t really know how to support my mother since this is her youngest brother. I am trying to be thankful for his life. I will miss him as we all will. I am reminded to love those near to us, and be safe as we go about our lives.
Better Together
Death of a loved one
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I am so sorry to hear of your family’s tragic loss, and thank you for sharing this reminder to be grateful for each day we have with those we love. I’ve found one of the best way to support our own grief, and the grief of those we love, is to continue to tell stories about those we have lost–funny things they did, experiences we had with them, things we loved about them, etc. Keeping one’s memory alive in this way is a wonderful way to honor the lives they lived. Best to your family-Coach Zoe
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Thank you, Coach Zoe. You are so right! We are already beginning to trade stories about my uncle, and I am learning funny things about him that I forgot or never knew. I remember some warm feelings about him as a child, and that feels good. I will hold on to those memories as well as the new ones I learn as we grieve our loss. We never expect things like this to happen, and when it does it really opens your eyes to the how fragile life can be. Being grateful for his life definitely helps too. This is a hard time and a negative experience, but we can get through it with support and faith. Thank you for the kind words.
I disagree w Dr. Amens when he said to his daughter your Grandpa is responsible for his death not hospital error. They did not kill him. Hospitals do kill people regardless if you are over weight and the coaches reply is something that people do, but in the long run wonder if it helps a panic attack caused by such a shock. Maybe God needed him more than you as he sounds quite wonderful.
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This is an important discussion. Grief affects us all at some point in our lives. For soe people talking about it helps, for others exercise can have a healing effect. Make sure to keep your thoughts accurate, and try not to self-medicate with things that hurt your health.
Thank you, Dr. Amen. Such good reminders. I think I am at the point where talking about it can help, and I will seek out more support.
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I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son 4 yrs ago April 20th and the pain never goes away it just becomes easier to manage. I have found that distraction works extremely well at least for me. I started making wire trees and crystal sun catchers and it wasn’t until recently that the distraction of creating these things was what got me thru it. There’s an emptiness in you that’s impossible to fill but you have to keep trying to fill it and THAT is what creates the distraction….and I’ve gotten really good at making Bonsai Trees. If you have a higher power, ask for help and it will come.
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I am also really struggling with grief. I lost my beautiful 21 year old daughter in a senseless accident 3 1/2 years ago. Of course, time has helped somewhat but I am still totally stuck in depression and despair. I see a therapist, take antidepressants, and try every self help method I come across. I just can’t shake the hopeless feeling that I will never be happy or “safe” again. She would have been 25 yesterday. That’s probably what brought me here to try to find some new way to move forward. I feel cursed — I lost my only sibling to childhood cancer watch my dad slowly kill himself through grief and addiction over the following 30 years. I’m trying not to follow in his footsteps, but it is a constant struggle.
Coach
Thanks so much for your post, bstevenson1216. I am very sorry to hear of your incredible losses. Grief truly changes us, and waves of pain will come for the rest of our lives, though perhaps less frequent and less intense over time.
I’ve found it to be important for me to continue telling stories and sharing of memories of those who have passed in order to stay connected to them. I’ve also found that honoring birthdays of loved ones lost can be a way to continue to celebrate the life we shared with them. Are there rituals that you find helpful for you? -Coach Zoe
Thanks Coach Zoe. I think you’re probably right. I still find it incredibly painful to talk about my daughter, but it might be better for not only me, but the rest of my family too if I tried to be more open and discuss these milestones as they arise. Avoidance and denial haven’t been working so well.
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