I have a question regarding my mom who appears to be having an early dementia (age 76). I also have a question regarding a personality change I observed in her along the way, and I should add a trigger warning (IPV). My stepdad violently assaulted my mom about 30 years ago, ramming her head into the stucco side of our home, resulting in cracking the skull and many stitches. She was on her way to law school then, but after that if I reflect she was never quite the same. After that she made decisions that were somewhat out of character from the person I remembered before that. She stayed with him for about 15 years after that, and he was often violent with her (throwing down stairs, black eyes). There was very little support for victims of IPV then. She’s finally getting a brain scan because she’s having a lot of mood challenges (anger, rage, paranoia). She has suffered with horrendous anxiety and feeling like her nervous system is “lit on fire”. I am just curious what is known about the long term impact of brain injuries like that on women? Would there be any hope for her at age 76? Thank you.
Better Together
Brain Injury, Dementia, and Aging
First, I’m very sorry to hear of this horrific suffering your mom experienced, and for you, who has no doubt been deeply affected by the abuse she’s suffered.
There’s a lot of reason to be hopeful as there is so much that impacts the nervous system, including healthy relationships and social connections, nourishing food and supplements, healing sleep, movement, and spending time in a relaxed state as much as possible (meditation, prayer, quiet, nature, etc.). Our integrative brain health approach provides much tools to guide her through this. Best to you and her.
-Zoe
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Do you have any strategies in encouraging her to shift to a mindset of hopefulness? For example, we finally got a slot for a CT scan, we have been looking forward to this, and now she’s very defensive about going saying “nothing is wrong with her brain” and refusing to go. It’s very frustrating. Or is this something the Amen clinics might help me with in caring for her as she is aging? It’s very hard to help someone who is just so oppositional, yet also wants help. Thank you!
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Yes, this is definitely something our brain health experts can help you to navigate, but in the interim I would encourage you to get her to talk about what she would like to be better in her life overall, to get her to focus on what could be, as opposed to dwelling on what currently is (whether that’s her thinking nothing is wrong, or you suggesting she may have struggles).
Providing a space for her to consider what would be ‘optimal’ for her (thriving) as opposed to just ‘good enough’ (surviving) is often inspiring and can help lead one to take steps towards that vision. Allowing her to come up with it is ideal so that she may have her own motivation for getting help, but if that isn’t possible or she resists, perhaps you can remind her of something that you would like to see her experience more of (energy, connections with others, being able to play her favorite game, read more, or whatever you think of that makes sense for her). If you focus on the positive and what could be instead of what you see as ‘wrong’, that may help her to think more hopefully as well. Let us know how it goes!
Do you think your mom would go if you also agreed to a scan at Amen Clinics? I know it is a lot of money, but if you can help her and maybe avoid some future health situation for yourself, it would be worth it. You are wonderful to seek help for your mom instead of just giving up.
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