I have read your books and fit the picture of an overactive anterior cingulate gyrus (and I’ve had multiple concussions). I have been working on myself for years and upped the game with this website recently. Excited!
In our relationship, we noticed a pattern of the same problems. I had purchased your ADD book and asked him if he had been tested before. He took your online test (classic ADD) and went to his family physician. There are no specialists that we know of who deal with Adult ADD here in Toronto. Here is what went down: GP prescribed Ritalin trial, one slow release in the morning – 2 weeks. Spouse: somewhat improved ability to focus, no change in appetite, felt dramatic increase in “spaciness”, evening over-energetic and inability to focus (rebound?). GP prescribed higher dose of the same – 2 weeks. Spouse: increase of all of the above. GP prescribed Vyvace – 2 weeks. Spouse: improved ability to focus, loss of appetite, no “spaciness”, no rebound effect but couldn’t sleep. After 3-4 days the effects in all (excluding appetite loss) seemed to diminish. GP prescribed same dose of Vyvace – 4 weeks. GP said that it’s normal to build a tolerance and rather than increasing the dosage, he told him to not take the pills everyday to see if he could decrease his tolerance and increase the effect on days that he did take the pills.
This is where we are now. My heart sank because when he started taking these it seemed like the absent-mindedness faded and a thoughtful side of him appeared that wasn’t there before. (He said he noticed more around him and felt like his thought life was “quieter”. He noticed my feelings and didn’t pace the house while he brushed his teeth. He didn’t forget all of the smaller insignificant things as well: didn’t walk out without his keys even once, remembered to turn lights off, did what he needed to get done that day, etc.). I had been feeling like the parent rather than the spouse for so long that our dynamics weren’t healthy and I was very unhappy (he was happy apart from noticing that I was unhappy). Your ADD book gives me hope…but his GP doesn’t follow your pattern of prescribing.
I feel guilty. I think there is hope for our relationship if he addresses his ADD (and I continue looking after my tendencies). He feels that I only love the version of him on medication (which isn’t true, but at the same time might make or break us). And his family doctor doesn’t acknowledge that he is still in a relationship on his “off medication” days. I don’t know what to do and want to be supportive of his journey to a healthy and fully functioning brain (with or without me) but without professional help I just don’t know what to do.