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How do I “reset out the relationship works…” or “know when it’s time to go?”

Updated on February 26, 2017 in Share Challenges
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2 on February 12, 2017

After a personal/family crisis Nov-Dec 2015 , I resolved to “get my brain right once and for all…  and started a journey of diligently reading and implementing the book “Integral Mindfulness,” then found via Public TV fundraising Dr Amen’s system, reading thoroughly “Change your Brain, Change Your Life,” and “Healing ADD,” implementing a number of the processes, nutrition, habits, etc. (as many as I’ve bee able to organized to date with my Type 8 brain.

An ongoing problem is that the things that “worked” for my wife and youngest stepson to get what they want from me by being oppositional, fighting dirty (not staying on subject, attacking “how” I raised a topic instead of working to resolve the topic), attacking, exhibiting disdain, making and not remotely meaning to honor commitments then getting mad at me and calling me unreasonable for asking them to keep their commitments, not taking responsibility for their actions, as well as my wife starting fights before all vacations, weekends away for me (with or without her), which shut down and confused my PFC to the point “I couldn’t think” and then with some rumination on my part for 4-7 days, I now “see” these behaviors in a new light, and have no desire to continue the relationship. There is only the “hope” that I will one day I will have a healthy relationship.

My wife “says” she is working on it, reading “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” though recently all her negative behaviors were out in full force, and knocked me off the improvements for 10 miserable days.

How does one assess if it’s time to go (divorce)?  With a type 8 brain, and though a lot of less complex (used to be hard) thoughts are getting organized, I am struggling organizing my thoughts in this emotional and complex (we’ve been married 18 years) situation.

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Coach_Zoe 0 on February 13, 2017
Thanks very much for reaching out. The decision to end a relationship is certainly more complex than what can be addressed here. I would strongly encourage you to seek out couples counseling, or individual therapy, to work through the process in order to make the healthiest decision for yourself and your family. Until then, continue to support your brain and body health through good nutrition, adequate sleep, regular exercise, social support, and relaxation. We do have therapists at our clinics who work with couples and individuals within a brain health context, which can be very helpful. Best to you – Coach Zoe
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MeInProgress 0 on February 26, 2017

I related to slayden’s post about the decision to end a relationship. Mine concerns my sister, my only birth family member left. I first wrote about the problem in detail, but decided that counseling would be necessary instead. So I have only one aspect to share. My thoughts repeatedly predict the end of my relationship with my sister and the harm that would cause. As these thoughts happen, I feel grief that is not good for me. So I have twice tried the ANT approach and although I have not been successful at composing an opposite to the worst case, I plan to try again. I saw yesterday more than one video about this subject. Maybe that will help. Also after reading slayden’s post I decided to get the book from the library and also to write down some of what I need to remember most. Making notes for myself has in the past helped me learn. Also I have the advantage of not seeing her in person until June. Thank you slayden for your post.

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